The
day I died…
I
was praying a few weeks ago and God began to speak to me about a fish being
caught on a hook, the flow of a river, and about a turtle crossing the road…
Fish:
He
began to show me that there are hundreds, maybe thousands of fish in the water
but that one fish is caught on the hook at just the right moment. This is how
we are to be with fishing for men. He told the disciples that they would be
fishers of men. He showed them how when they tried to get the fish on their
own, in their own merit they failed. But when God told them to let down their
net they had an overabundance and were filled to capacity. So the fisherman on
the water gets that one fish at just that right moment, and it was his time to
die. Jesus is leading each and every one of us to die at just the right moment.
Everything is ordained of God and He knows just exactly when you are going to
die. The first time you die, you die through the salvation process. This is the
Death (Repentance), Burial (Baptism), and Resurrection (Holy Ghost) which is
speaking in other tongues as the spirit gives the utterance. (Acts 2:4, Acts 2:38). When you died in salvation you died at just the moment God had
ordained for you to die. If you haven’t experienced this kind of death then I
encourage you to study the scriptures and see for yourself what I am telling
you to be true. I would begin reading in the book of Acts because this is where
the beginning of the church began after Jesus was resurrected on the cross.
Today,
I am really talking about a different kind of death. I am talking about dying
to self. We come to God we receive salvation but that really is only the very
beginning of it all. We begin on a road a journey really and we have to learn
to have a relationship with God for ourselves. We have to die to the old man
and become a new creature in Him. This is a process and it happens slowly and
steadily over time. The more we want of Him the more He will show us and then
honestly the more He will require of us. He never takes something from us that
He knows we are not ready to surrender. Every time you surrender to His calling
and give up a part of yourself to Him, then the more you die a little more to
your flesh.
We
keep walking or flowing in the spirit until He leads us to our death….
The
River:
God
gave me a personal analogy of me flowing down a fast moving river. The push of
the current was moving me forward and there was only one direction. In the
river there were bumps and bruises along the way. I hit a tree stump, I hit
some debris, and I bottomed out on the rocks. I was tossed to one side of the
river and I even tried to grab onto a tree branch and hold on. Yet, I was still
being pushed forward. One time I stood up and tried to walk backwards and no
matter how hard I tried I couldn’t go backwards. I tried and I fell and was
still being pushed forward. I was wet, cold, and all alone but still the river
has pushed me forward.
Then
I went over the edge of the waterfall…
The
day I died it hurt and I cried out to God, “Help me God!” And He did… He was at
the bottom of the waterfall with His loving arms and He placed me in the river
below. This new river is a gentle flow. It is not rough, it is not pushing, and
I am not fighting against the current. Because this time I know I had to reach
my death in order to flow freely in the river in the spirit.
The
river is our walk with God. We are flowing in the spirit when we are walking
with Him. We often hit the rocks and we think we did something wrong even
though we are flowing in the spirit and walking with the Lord, we forget how to
trust Him, or we've never learned how to trust Him. The rocks and the trees are
God’s way of trying to correct us back onto the flow of the river. He is
teaching us to trust Him and that means we cannot hold onto the branch of the
trees. Even if we try to keep holding on for as long as we can, the current is
so strong it will rip us from the roots and keep moving us forward. We try to
do it on our own so then we try and go back to what we once knew. We stand up
in the river and move backwards and we stumble and we fall, instead of letting
the river in the spirit wash away our past. So we walk in circles in the
current, not moving forward and never making it to what was behind us.
All
along the river He is speaking, “Trust me.” “Lean not to your own
understanding.” “Ask for what you need.” “Seek me and you will find me.” “Knock
and the door will be open.” He is a God of love and He will not force you to
die to self. He might let you live in a whirlpool of your own making for a time
but eventually you will die one way or another.
There
are three ways you can die:
1)
A
spiritual death where you walk away from God and never come back
2)
You
can die willingly and submit to His will readily
3)
Or
you can die at His hand (He forcefully takes it from you)
All
three are choices that you choose for your life. You can choose to walk away
and live a life without the spirit and nothing more will be required of you. You
can die willingly and this is the best option because you choose straightway to
set aside your past and the things of this world. Then there are the rest of
us…
You
pray the prayer, “not my will but thy will be done.” But you struggle and you
fight the spirit because either you don’t understand it, or you are hard headed
and think somehow you can live in two places. I am here to tell you, YOU CAN’T!
Once you pray the prayer, “not my will.” You give up your rights and give over
your free will to the Lord, and then that is when He orders your steps. I
implore you to die the easy way!!! When the Lord causes you to die, well let’s
just say it is not pleasant.
When
I reached to the edge of a waterfall the current came crashing in and I couldn’t
breathe. The force of the fall almost tore me in pieces but that my friends was
the day I died…
There
were parts of me that I thought had died but they hadn’t. I had hidden chains
buried in my life as far back as my childhood. As I was falling I couldn’t see
through the water to the other side and I was drowning. The Lord brought me to
my death but really it was new life. It was the last of the onion peel of sin
that had encamped round about me my whole life. I had to die to self,
self-will, rebellion, hatefulness, lust, and all worldly desires. I thought I
had given them up willingly but there were walls that were down and I was in
the enemy’s camp. I was easy prey and had been deceived by an imaginary idea
that wasn’t real in the least.
I
would like to insert here at this point. You can be praying, fasting, and doing
the Lord’s work and still fall prey to the enemy. The more you step out on
faith then the more of a moving target you are for the enemy. I trusted the
wrong people. I got too close to imaginary friends and it was used to my
detriment. I am not making excuses, I am just saying that it matters who is in
your life. If your defenses are down and
you trust too easily, you are prey for the enemy. If you are not praying the
right prayers and even setting aside the feelings you feel in the spirit you
will be sorry. Not everyone is your friend. Not everyone cares to help you. Not
everyone sees the good you tried to do. I only admonish the most important
thing in your life is who you let to influence your life.
God
has used my pain and my failures to help others. He will use it the rest of my
life. He used my pain to gut me to the very core of my being, and mostly to
learn to never treat anyone how I have been treated. True love, loves someone whether
they can ever love you back or if they will ever love you at all. It is caring
for someone no matter how far they fall and be there with a hand to lift them
out of the mire. I learned this lesson from someone who changed my life. Then
God showed me what it really means to be loved when no one else loves you, when
they have all turned their back on you. The ultimate love is from Jesus who is
our Father. He died for my sins, failures, pains, and broken hearts.
I
found myself back on the threshing floor and God met me like He has never met
me before in my life. He unraveled the unspoken parts of my life I didn’t even
know existed. So as I am not glad that I failed God, I am glad He finally was
able to show me the holes in my armor. This was the day I died. I was the fish
on the hook and at the exact moment ordained of God, He changed me and
transformed me once more for His glory.
Turtle:
God
knows when the turtle crosses the road. He knows where the ants store up food.
When the bird will soar in the sky and just when His promises will come to
pass. If God knows the exact moment things are to happen for animals and bugs,
how much more does He know and order our steps? This is something God has been
teaching me in the lesson. He has been teaching me to trust and know that if He
says it will happen, that means it has already happened. He is a God who lives
in the future, our future! He lives beyond the present and takes our past and
uses it for His glory.
This
has been hard for me to understand. I have stepped out in faith and then I got
waylaid. I have doubted that what I had heard from God was really from God. I
know we have all been there. I would like to say at this point that the devil
is a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. His tricks are all the same. He
uses the same ploys over and over. “If it hasn’t happened by now, then it will
never happen.” “You aren’t good enough.” “You have failed too much for God to
use you.” “No one likes you.” “No one wants to hear what you have to say.”
“You’re not worth the effort.” “You will never do what God has told you.” These
ARE ALL LIES!!!! He uses them most effectively when we are weak, discouraged,
and forlorn but they are still lies.
I
asked the Lord once, “Lord, I have failed you so much, how could you love me?
How could you use me when I have failed you so much?” He answered, “But I saw
your love in the future and I carried you to this point. You will use your
testimony to give me glory. You will speak life to the broken, and you will
lead them to the cross.” Needless to say I was overcome by so much love. If
Jesus the God of all creation who died for my salvation could forgive me and
use me, then how much more am I to love and forgive? I don’t care who you are,
what you have done, or where you have been, you have a place in the Kingdom.
You have a place as my friend. I will pray for you, love you, and help you to
the cross.
"Does God really have His hand on me?"
So in answer to the age old question, If God has his hand on the turtle, then He
has His hand on your life too…
Conclusion:
I
pray that this blog blessed you somehow. I pray that you too can die to self
and that you die willingly…
You
are a fish that is being kept until just the moment when God will change you.
He is leading you down a river and teaching you to trust Him when all things
seem impossible. You are more important than a turtle. He cares for the turtle
crossing the road and the birds in the air; but He cares more about you in your
journey. He is ordering your steps. He knows where you are and He will never
leave you or forsake you! Trust HIM! Don’t let the lies of the enemy destroy
you! Don’t let your past dictate your future! Remember to forgive along the
journey and be willing to welcome those home who have fallen by the wayside. If
you have been forgiven then you too must forgive! The ultimate story of love
and forgiveness is Jesus our Master, Savior, Redeemer, and Healer… Share your
own story of love and let’s lead as many people to the cross and back to the
cross as possible…You have the power to change lives for the good and the bad.
What is your choice?
