My Personal Masquerade Ball

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. 

2 Corinthians 3:18

This has been the most difficult part of my journey this year. This year has been about peeling back the onion layers in my life. It has been about recognizing that Lord must be at the center of my life. I cannot hide from myself and infect change if I am hidden. Before this year it had been so much easier for me to hide from the world and all who knew me. I know many of us like me struggle with being our true selves. How many times have we put on a happy face or covered pain in laughter, or even became sarcastic to cover how we truly feel? Emotions are not easy to deal with and the more you have been hurt the easier it is to hide in a facade  I have worn a mask for years at my personal masquerade ball!

My greatest fear has been what if they truly know who I am? I am not perfect of that I am sure! But the more I hid from my fears, faults, and weaknesses the more I felt alone. Surely no one could understand what I was going through and surely I was never going to be good enough. So why did I need to try? It was so much easier to have my walls up to the hilt. For then I would no longer be able to be hurt. So very true my friend but then I would also never be able to love and be loved as well. Then the Lord stepped in….

I began to change from the very core of my being. I was only able to change because I wanted to change. I began to see that wearing my mask was a misrepresentation of who I truly was meant to become. My life had become one big lie. People saw a confident girl who was perky and funny. Sarcasm became a way of life and being funny was my mask. I mean it was much funnier to laugh at how dumb I was or how fat I was than to accept myself for who I was and that I could be loved just for who I am. We can change how we look on the outside, but we can’t change who are deep down inside. 

How do we change?

1) We must recognize we are hiding from who we are as a person.

2) We must turn our lives completely over to the Lord.

3) We must ask others in our lives to help us and to pray for us.

4) We must be willing to take off the mask even if it hurts

5) We must change our outlook and accept who we are and ask the Lord to change us from the inside out!

6) We need to realize that God loves us just the way we are right now, and His love for us will never diminish.

The thing I learned most this year as I took off my mask is that underneath my facade it was not pretty. There is pain and growth that comes from allowing the Lord to truly step into your life. It has hurt more than anything else in my life! But I am also happier than I have ever been in my life. Someone said recently, “Why are you running from God’s plan? He will only love you if he catches you!” It rings true with God and people. The Lord knows who you need in your life and he will put the most unusual people to replace the ones who would hurt you.

 As I tore down walls this year I was open to love and pain. People turned their back on me and crushed me this year. But I’m still standing! Adversity has taught me to love more, to understand more, and to have a deeper compassion for those around me. It has taught me to lean on the Father who will never leave or forsake me. It has taught me that when I feel that the world is caving in and I would rather put back on the mask that I can’t do that again if I expect to change the lives of those around me.

People need people to be real! They need to know you can understand them. There are so many hurting people who need to hear the truth. They need to hear how their lives can be changed. How can they hear the truth if we are so wrapped up in our own lives and are not real? Our lives then become a distraction that keeps us from being aware of the needs of those around us. When you wear a mask you are too afraid or too ineffective to reach people. Your mask hinders your testimony and keeps people at a safe distance. I want to pick up my mask again but if I do who will I impact?

I think I failed several people this year. I temporarily put back on my facade because it was too hard to let some know who I truly am. Then because I did this I felt a failure not truly allowing some to know my life. Seeming too perfect is also a mask. It is by the grace of God he has brought me this far and I’m not going back to who I was but at the same time I am so not perfect. One of my truest faults is that I try too hard and I am also very hard on myself. I try so hard to be everything to someone and I try to mold myself to whom I think they want me to be, so that I don’t disappoint. I tend to allow myself to follow someone to a fault and allow myself to emulate them.

As I was praying today the Lord reminded me again that Jesus was who I was to emulate and not man. He was to be my great provider and not myself and no I can’t fix what is not mine to fix. I cannot depend on mankind to fulfill any need or desire but that my hope must be fixed on the Lord. I was reminded that I am a child of the King who does not need to hide myself and who I am behind a mask. I implore you to trust the Lord enough to allow him to take off your mask. You will find that as you take off the mask, that you will be changed. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:18. This means that; God is changing us and making us more like him and he is fixing the flaws we want to cover up. It will happen little by little but the reward will be great as you are changed into the image of the Lord.

That is the ultimate goal! To be changed inside out. We must take the mask off at our masquerade ball. We change by taking down our walls but not replacing them with seemed perfection. We must be willing to let others help us in our journey because there is no way that we can do this all alone. We must allow our lives to be changed into the image of the Lord. When we are changed then we can grow and become who the Lord is wanting us to become. We will no longer be in a holding spot with no where to go. Will it hurt? Yes it will hurt. Will people turn their back on you? Yes people will turn their back on you. Is it worth it? Yes it is worth it! By taking off the mask you have the ultimate tool against the devil. You are no longer afraid of who you are and who you will become. Your life will be a true testimony to the Lord as you will be able to share it with others you are trying to reach!

My prayer: Lord help me not to put on my own personal masquerade ball. Help me to help others by sharing the real me. Help me not to build walls around my heart. Help me to not expect to find acceptance in anyone but you Lord. But also help me to let others truly into my life. My life may come with adversity and those in my life may hurt me but I know my acceptance is in you Lord. Let the more I seek you in your love, which you will continue to change me into your very image. I am not who I am without you Lord and may you always be leading me into your ways. That I never lose sight of the great purpose and that is to share my life with others so that others might be saved!